Down in the Dumps

Several tags throughout this entry ... snag only please.

I just haven't been me lately. I don't know what's wrong with me. I couldn't wait for Christmas to be over with so all the decorations could come down & be stored away for next year. This is highly unusual for me. Usually the decorations are up before Thanksgiving (not this year) and I have never taken them down until New Years day. (They were all put away the day after Christmas). I don't know what was going on with me ... I just wanted it all out of my site.

Granny is gone but I know I'm not sad because of that ... she's no longer in pain. I sent a basket full of daisies. I couldn't decide what I wanted to send and the only thing I could think of was that she was gone & gonna be pushing up daisies ... so daisies it was.

My brother (twins dad) isn't talking to me now. =( He came over a few days ago saying that he was leaving his wife cause he couldn't take her crap anymore. He was trying to get us to say he could stay with us without actually asking us but we let him know he needed to be a man ... go home & work out his problems with his wife. He's got a family to think about now & running out on them isn't an option he should take. Sunday morning 12:20 am ... I'm dead asleep when the phone rings ... brother calling me crying uncontrollably asking for a place to stay. I knew from a previous phone call that he was drunk and had done a few lines of coke. Sorry ... I don't need that mess on my door step. Hubby took the phone from me & told him he couldn't stay here. He hung up!



Dad called me yesterday morning to let me know the funeral went well ... the preacher was very long winded but the service was beautiful & they could all tell she was well loved by the amount of people that showed up to leave respect for her. Anyway, dad & brother came back home yesterday ... but not to an empty house. My other brother (twins dad) had got into a bit of trouble & crashed at their house. So here is what really happened ...

Saturday night hubby & I were sitting around watching our favorite movies when the phone rings ... it's my SIL, she's not crying but you can tell in her voice that she's about to hurt someone. She tells us to be on the look out for my brother cause he's just left her house drunker than drunk & higher than a kite. Before he left the house he smashed into her car so she was letting us know that she was calling the cops on him. I called her back about an house later to check on her ... she's my SIL and I care a lot about her. She went into more details. He tried to smack her around but she's a BIG lady so she ended up throwing him into a fence and that's when he took off. He called her lots of names but the one that broke my heart is ... she said right in front of their kids he called her a F'n N*g*r. Now, I don't know about you but around here that word just isn't used cause it's a very derogatory word that no person should ever be called. It's even worse that he felt it necessary to call his wife this nasty name & even worse then that ... his kids are half black so what must he think of his own children? SIL told us this was unforgivable & something that he as a father can never take back. She said the twins are to young to know what was said or really to know what it means but her daughter heard the words clear as day & was devastated that her step dad would say such a thing. I think of Quanasia as my niece so it broke my heart to know that my brother caused her this pain. We went to see niece & SIL yesterday and the niece didn't really want to talk ... don't know if it was from lack of sleep the night before or the fact that she believes I may feel the same way as my brother.



So ... I decided I would call SIL so I could go over, see the twins & check in on her. A man answered the phone ... I asked for SIL and then I heard an angry voice that I immediately recognized ... my brother. He very rudely says call the house to talk to her then hangs up on me. What a flipping poonanny!

Now I'm at SIL's house ... Part of me seemed to need proof that my brother was actually as horrible as she had said the night before. I know my brother is a very troubled man but when all is said & done ... he's still my brother & I love him for this fact. Well, he did indeed crash into her car. There was a bad place on her front wheel well & then one on the back of her car. Now ... my baby brother wanted to defend the other brother with are you sure he wrecked her car? Ya know he doesn't have any crash marks on his truck. All I can say is I know what I saw and I know that just because you hit someone doesn't mean that both cars will show proof.

Oh ... as if all this drama isn't bad enough I took the advice of many of my readers & have tried to contact the lady who has my little Harley. She isn't answering any of my e-mails. I'm just heart broken. I'm beginning to wonder if I was scammed out of a dog so she could sell him for money. Ya see, she put in a request for a small dog through the local free cycle ... since Christmas she has popped up asking for tons of things. Computers .... beds ... treadmill ... scrap booking supplies ... you name it. Now how is it that she can ask for these items but not answer a simple e-mail of how is Harley doing? I have her phone number so I think I'm gonna be calling later today instead of sending e-mails. IMO ... you shouldn't say call anytime to check on him if you don't really mean it. Am I crazy for thinking this way?

Ok ... I'm outta here for right now. Hubby is on 3rd shift so looks like we'll be out of the house most of the day. Who knows what we'll be doing but I know we won't be here. Have a great day!

Goodbye granny

Merry Christmas to all of you. I don't think I'll be on line tomorrow to wish you all a happy joyous day.

So ... this week I took daughter to the bone specialist ... she does have a hair line crack in her elbow still but she no longer needs the sling. He believes that if she is just careful with her activity for the next few weeks she will continue to heal. She doesn't have any pain at all so that's good news.

My brother came over yesterday ... weird cause he doesn't visit much. Anyway, he came over for marital advice. He & his wife are having problems again. He was contemplating leaving her but didn't want to leave his boys behind. Hubby & I talked him into going home & talking it through with his wife. He's a grown man & needs to be grown up ... there's no more walking away when things don't go your way. Besides ... it's Christmas ... no one needs that on the brain at this time of the year. I haven't heard from him but I'm hoping that all goes well. I'd like to see the twins but I sure don't won't to drop in during their problems.

Hubby's tooth has been hurting him lately but he's the typical guy ... won't do anything about it until the pain is so great that he can't stand to do anything. Well, I told him to call the dentist & hope that they could get him in. I knew it was a long shot with it being Christmas eve but ... he called ... they don't open until Monday morning. Hate that he's in pain but darn it ... that's what he gets for waiting until the pain is almost unbearable. Ya know?

Anyway, when he got ready to call the doctors he used my phone because I had the number already programed in ... he noticed that my dad had made a call about 12 after midnight. As soon as I heard that I knew what the call was all about. My granny had passed away. So I called dad & sure enough ... she's gone. She passed away at about 10 after 12 this morning. We were all hoping she would make it passed Christmas so we wouldn't have to think about her death at this time but she just couldn't hold out any longer. All her kids are together planning for the funeral ... sounds like their going to do it this Saturday. We're not going!

I told dad we couldn't go because hubby had to work but it was not the truth. I'm not going cause when it all boils down to the nitty gritty ... she's not my blood grandmother. I love my dad & most of his family but in the end I know that he is my step dad & none of those people are my blood. I wasn't very close to my granny either. She was a crass old woman who I always felt took great pleasure in putting me down. The only time I felt she approved of me is when I got married right out of high school ... I was very small & for my granny if you weren't physically fit then you were just a slob who would never amount to anything. Isn't that sad? I know that's just the way she was but it always hurt! Of course she was never this way with her blood grandchildren only those of us who had married in to the family. My step sister is much heavier than me but she was the light of grannies eye ... doesn't matter that she was big into drugs and alcohol when she was younger ... doesn't matter that she a baby when she had her baby ... I've lived the straight & narrow life for the most part but never got her approval. So why should I go to the funeral?

With all of this said I would like to say goodbye to granny. I loved her because she is my (step) dad's mother but I didn't like her very much. May she rest in peace and have no more pain. May the family's heart heal and remember the loving side.

Oh ... we had another death in our family Monday night ... my granny's sisters SIL hung himself. No one really knows why he took his life but yup ... 2 family members in less than a week.

My dad has been more a part of my life then my own mother so it's for that reason that I don't call him step dad very often.